I've always felt weird about my feelings. Namely, my feelings on love and being close to people both physically and emotionally. And now I know why. Over Christmas break, I watched some home movies, and my parents rarely pointed the camera at me. In no childhood photos is someone holding me. Plus, there was a video of my mom on a bender before she got clean, and she was a mean drunk. I was pushed to the back of my family, and that accounts for why I want attention, but not intimacy. I want to be loved, but I don't know who by.

Just because the universe is an evil, evil creature, I ran into the girl who tried to get me to kill myself, and lead to a spiraling depression. I broke her nose, and she dislocated my shoulder. Not that I haven't dislocated it before, and just popped it back into place, but damn did it freak her out.

I don't know if anyone here knows the song "Extraordinary Girl" From American Idiot, but there's a line "Some days he feels like dying/She gets so sick of crying". I've found my anthem now.

Yay, depressing thoughts.

-J